weddings.

it is no secret that i love weddings. 


i love everything they symbolize; i love dressing up for them, and i love the dancing, the toasts, the throwing of the bouquet, the sweetness of it all. i've been to more weddings than the average 19-year-old, from my cousins/sister (at least 6 or 7) to family friends, my sister's friends, etc. 
in fact, my parents and I went to our family friend's Liz's on friday night. it was in oregon; outside. the weather was perfect, and even though i got 14 mosquito bites on my legs (i am not exaggerating) i had a great time seeing people i haven't seen in 2, 4, 6 years. one being my 6th grade health teacher, [who called me chelsea...no surprise there ha], my orthodontist, two of my oldest friend's parents, tons of my brother's baseball friends families and Liz's younger brother who happens to be one of my favorite people. since i hadn't seen most of these people since i was about 13 or 14, some of them didn't recognize me. weird, right? i guess my looks have matured a bit since then, since one of the most common comments i got was "wow, you look so old!" i'm sure it wasn't in an insulting way, i just look different.
the wedding was so beautiful, from the bridesmaids' dresses to the decorations, to the food, everything was perfect. i am so happy for Liz & Brent and their new life together. if anyone deserves it, they do.
and while i was so excited for them -- i couldn't help wanting it for myself. when is it going to be my turn? i know what i want my dress to look like, what personal touches i want, and what music i will play. the only thing i'm missing is the groom. kind of important for a wedding, right? am i jumping the gun too quick? maybe.
and i know i'm only nineteen years old. believe me, if anyone knows it, i do. but in some ways i don't feel nineteen. in some ways i feel older - emotionally, and spiritually. and i know that God has the right person at the right time for me. i just want to know now. i can wait to get married; honestly i can because it is SUCH a huge life commitment and i definitely wouldn't want to rush into it flippantly. 
but some days i just feel like i'm going to die alone. with 64 cats. i don't mean for that to sound as depressing as it probably did. but when i see my family and friends around me in loving relationships, i can't help but want one for myself. i want to be in love just like any other person. when is it my turn? why do i have to wait so freakin long? is there something wrong with me? my mind wanders. i suppose the longer you wait for something, the better it is.
but maybe i'm not ready to meet him just yet. maybe God has more work to do in me. maybe i'm looking in all the wrong places. 
i honestly couldn't tell you, because i don't know the future.
what i do know is that God's timing is perfect and i have to trust in it, without reservation.


i'm still working on that part....