fears.

we all have fears, right?
some of us are scared of spiders, snakes, heights, small spaces.....i'm sure it goes on and on.
we all have different fears - which make us unique. to one person, a certain fear can be nothing at all whereas to someone else it's absolutely terrifying.


i was cleaning out some of my papers the other day (i save EVERYTHING.....my pack-rat habits are coming to light! i have stuff from 7th grade....that is crazy.) anyway; i came across a list of my top three fears (it was written on the back of some cheesy poem i had written for some supposed "cutie" in 9th grade....yikes.) i realized that these fears haven't really changed. sure, i have other fears, but the top three are pretty much unchanged.
my top three fears are:


1. failure
2. becoming morbidly obese
3. birds.


now, i realize the second one is a little vain....and the third one i'm sure seems ridiculous to most. but that's what i'm scared of, and i can't really change it.
i have a feeling a lot of people have the same first fear that i do. nobody wants to fail.
this is the definition of failure :
failure |ˈfālyər|noun1 lack of success : an economic policy that is doomed to failure | the failures of his policies.• an unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing : bad weather had resulted in crop failures.• lack of success in passing an examination or test : exam failure.• a grade that is not high enough to pass an examination or test.2 the omission of expected or required action : their failure to comply with the basic rules.• a lack or deficiency of a desirable quality : a failure of imagination.3 the action or state of not functioning : symptoms of heart failure | an engine failure.• a sudden cessation of power.• the collapse of a business.

those all sound pretty dismal.
no-one is excited when they get a D or an F on a test. but i'm not just talking about school. nobody wants to fail or disappoint their family. or their friends. nobody wants to fail in their job. nobody wants to end the day saying "i failed. i wasn't successful." i think if anything, success is one of the most sought-after feelings in life. people want to flourish. not just merely get by, but be successful. 
and i would definitively categorize myself in the aforementioned. i sure as heck do not want to fail. i want my parents and family to be proud of me. i want to have a career i'm excited about. failure is simply not an option. blah blah blah. the thing about being human is that YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL. try as you might to prevent it from happening, it's going to happen anyway. you have to fail to succeed. and i realize that. i guess what my fear of failure means is at the end of the day being truly unhappy. that's where i see failure in it's rawest form.
even if i don't land my dream job, get perfect grades, or even have a boyfriend, i don't see that as a failure. if i am unhappy about it, i mean truly unhappy, then that is where my problem is. just because one person's standards may include that, doesn't mean that's what my standard of happiness and successfulness should be. life is what you make of it, right?


moving on...becoming morbidly obese. maybe i've watched too many shows ("I Weigh Half a Ton", "Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition", etc.) and even though i tell myself i will never let myself become like that, i don't know what's going to happen. the people on these shows definitely did not plan on BECOMING a morbidly obese person, it just happened over time as a result of poor eating choices, lack of exercise, and more often than not a personal tragedy in which food becomes a comfort, or used as a tool to numb the pain. i'm a comfort-eater, i'm not going to lie....what if i can't control it one day? what if i end up being 400+ lbs?  i don't even want to be overweight....let alone obese. it's just one of those things i can't really explain....i just feel like i couldn't live with myself. and i would be truly unhappy. going back to my fear of failure. that is definitely failure in my eyes.


and lastly, birds. anyone that knows me knows i absolutely hate, despise, and LOATHE the existence of these awful creatures. i know that God made everything in his image, and everything is beautiful in His eyes....but i don't see it the same way. birds are like flying cats, or rats, or both. they are stupid. they don't serve any purpose. they poop on your car. one of the worse ways to die in my opinion would be by birds. i will NEVER watch that "attack of the birds" or whatever it's called by alfred hitchcock. it's not a fictional story. that could actually happen. ugh, they gross me out just thinking about them! once again, i can't really explain this somewhat irrational fear....if i could, i probably wouldn't have a fear of them.


those are just a few of my fears.
what are your fears?