just do it.

yesterday, i decided to exercise. 
i mean really exercise, not just a walk at lunch or taking the stairs. i can't remember the last time i really sweated due to sustained vigorous movement....which is sad.
so i decided to go on a "jog". i put jog in quotation marks because after 60 seconds and two blocks later, i was gasping for breath and my side felt like it was going to explode. 
there are a few reasons i hate running. jogging for that matter too. 
actually, there are a million reasons i hate them, but for your sake i will spare you.
first off; i look like an idiot when i run. i look like what a seal would look like if it had legs and were mobile. i'm so self conscious about the way i run that i sometimes forget to pay attention to my surroundings which has proved to be disastrous....(let's not forget falling off the treadmill at the gym in '06 in the dark ages while using a CD player....not pretty.)
secondly; i have absolutely ZERO endurance. none. i would rather sprint 100 meters than run a mile anyday. i just feel like it's so monotonous and boring. and painful. i am definitely feeling the after effects today.
i realized i would have much rather been doing some form of exercise that i could stand. like dancing. or shooting hoops. or ANYTHING ELSE.
one absolute must when i exercise is music. i don't know whether it's to drown out my pathetic gasps of breath, to silence my self-loathing (ie. "WHY ARE YOU TORTURING YOURSELF?!" and "WHY ARE YOU THIS OUT OF SHAPE?!") or to motivate myself and focus on the beat of a song instead of my feet on the pavement.
i ended up at your friendly neighborhood elementary school playground and went around the track a few times. i made myself do 45 minutes straight of movement. whatever it took - jogging, walking, dancing, whatever. i ended up jogging all the way back (which was 95% downhill....which i walked the whole way up) and by the time i got back home i couldn't talk or breathe. i drank about a half a bottle of water in 30 seconds flat.
i rewarded myself with carbs and ice cream today. or did i undo everything i accomplished yesterday?


i'd like to think it was a reward.....but i'm an optimist.