that time i walked to hot yoga in fremont and almost passed out in class

alright. let me fill you in on a little adventure i had this afternoon.
recently, i bought a groupon (for $29!) for 10 yoga classes at Bikram Yoga in fremont. my initial thought: "oh, sweet! what a great deal. i've been wanting to do yoga for awhile." what i failed to realize was that it was Bikram Yoga aka Hot Yoga aka 105 degrees aka DEATH.
as soon as i finished my first class last week, i knew i had made a huge mistake.

my first class went a little like this:
first: me sweating out of EVERY pore in my body. pores i didn't even know i had. how do i know that? my forehead was sweating. my CALVES were sweating. my palms were sweating so bad, i couldn't even hold onto my limbs to do a posture. truly disgusting.
second: speaking of disgusting....speedos. and lots of them. the first offense was the guy two people away from me who was showing off with his handstands and other various tricks (of course.) speedos are the worst.
third: every other thought "no. NO." ; "what did i get myself into?!" ; and "WHYYYYYYYYYY" interrupted by my pathetic breathing attempts.
the first time i went, i went with lindsey, since her, katie & i all bought the groupon together.

today, i decided to go alone. since my car has been acting a little weird AND it wasn't raining, i decided it would be a good idea to walk there. i was wrong. in case you weren't aware, i live on the border of queen anne and ballard. the yoga place i go to is in fremont. 2 miles the opposite direction. so, i put on my headphones, got my nikes on, i'm ready to go....i'm walking there, psyched about life. 35 minutes later, i arrive. take my shoes off, my sweats, jacket, and migrate into the 105 degree room. the class started at 4, i was in there at around 3:40. i had already been sweating a considerate amount by the time class started.
class starts, and it's going decently....keeps going and i start sweating more. (the guy in front of me looked like he had just jumped into a pool because he was DRIPPING. sick sick sick.) then i start getting really lightheaded. then my peripheral vision starts fading.

time-out: they tell you to do hot yoga on an empty stomach and to stop drinking water an hour before class. class is an HOUR AND A HALF long. in case you can't do math, 105 DEGREES PLUS EMPTY STOMACH EQUALS LIGHTHEAD-NESS/PASSING OUT. 
have they no soul?!

time-in: i decide before i faint in front of a group of 30 strangers wearing short shorts (with legs that haven't been shaved in about a week), that i have to get the heck out of there. i'm trying to think of the cleanest, least disruptive getaway, and realize that i am at the complete opposite side of the room where the exit is located. i realize the longer i just stand there looking both awkward and like an idiot, the worse it will be. so i grab my mat and towel and avoid all eye contact. i didn't, however, escape the attention of the instructor as he asked "are you alright?" while i said in an embarrassed, (i'm sure high-pitched voice), "yes." 
i could have kissed the floor when i got out of that hell hole. i sat down on the bench and tried to get control of both my consciousness and dignity.
after i mustered up a bit of strength and none of my dignity, i walked past the classroom and began the 2 mile trek back home. i also thought it would be a good idea to walk along the canal so i wouldn't have to run into many people (haha funny) and due to the sweet (albeit LOUD) melodies of justin timberlake in my ears, i almost got ran over by a bicycle brigade and joggers because i couldn't hear the always-annoying "on your left!". this happened several times, once accompanied with the finger.
you stay classy, seattle.
i had to sit down more than once to catch my breath. and pretend i wasn't soaked in my own sweat.

the problem is now, i bought 10 classes and have only used 2. holding true to birky form, you can bet that i am going to use every single one of those classes.
and i'm going to hate every second of them. if i don't pass out first.

stay tuned.

crossroads.

i've been putting off writing this post for awhile now. i've had this and that for an excuse, but i decided it's finally time to sit down and write everything down. there might be some "word vomit" if you will.

honestly, the title of this post makes me cringe a little but it's the only word that describes this point in my life.

i'm at a crossroad - let's have the dictionary define that, shall we?

crossroads |ˈkrôsˌrōdz|

noun

an intersection of two or more roads.

• a point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences : we stand again at a historic crossroads.

• ( crossroad) a road that crosses a main road or joins two main roads.

the second definition is more of what i'm talking about here - "a point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences" because guess what? I'm going to be done with school FOREVER in a matter of 9 months. 9 MONTHS. MARCH 2014. that's the length of a pregnancy (don't get any ideas, family....) in other words, that's not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. I am graduating a quarter early, which means less time i have to be in school, but it also means i have to join the rest of the world earlier. there's pros and cons here, as in most situations in life.

i've had a breakdown (or 3) within the last 2 weeks. after much thought and over-analyzation, i'm not sure if i want to do something fashion-related with my career. clearly, since i'm only two quarters away from graduating, changing my major is not an option. (not that i would know what i wanted to change it to anyway), so i'm going to stick it out.

the thing is, i don't know what i want to do with my life. i have no idea. how are you supposed to know at age 21, anyhow? at the same time, i feel stupid for not knowing. i feel like everyone else has a goal; a plan of what they want to do and how they will achieve it.

so what do i want to do? i want to travel the world. that's the only thing that comes to mind. but i can't do that forever.

another idea that has been floating around in my mind is writing - clearly i enjoy it, and i think i'm decent at it. i've thought about doing it for a career. but would that make me hate one of my passions? that would be unfortunate. i think in the next couple of weeks i might see if i can do an informational interview of sorts somewhere like Seattle Magazine. that way, i can at least get a feel for what writing for a living might be like. it can't hurt, right?

i realize that not everyone has a career that direct relates to what they majored in in college. which is encouraging....but still, i can't stop the voice in the back of my head that's saying 'what are you going to do with this degree? you only have one option.' and that sucks. i feel trapped into being a buyer, or a merchandiser, or something related to that. and after hating EVERY SINGLE SECOND of my retail buying class this quarter, i can safely cross off "buyer" from my list of potential careers. but now what? where do i go from here?

i think another reason for this crisis is that every single fashion-related job (well, really every job) i've applied for this summer, i haven't gotten, or even heard back from. 

it's tough for a playa out there on the streets, ya dig?

i've been in a state of mental panic for the last few weeks. i feel like i'm running out of time. will i be ready graduate in 9 months? like, mentally prepared for life post-college and everything that goes with it? i don't like change. if i didn't bring it on myself, i hate it. i don't like that awkward period of adjustment. 

sooo....this brings me to a standstill. i wish God would give me a vision of what i'm supposed to do and that would be that, but that's not how life works.
for now, i just have to pray and trust that God will point me in the right direction.

happy [21st] birthday!

Saturday was Ryan's birthday, and he got to share it with his brand new niece, miss Eisley Rose. the day was long, but exciting at the same time. i got to the hospital around 10:30am, and we waited, waited, waited some more, went to dinner at the hub, and came back just in time for her to be born, around 7:45 pm. I asked him if he felt overshadowed that his new niece was taking over his 21st, and he said - without hesitation - "no." he'd much rather have the attention on someone else...especially a new family member. what a guy! we guessed on how much she would weigh: i said 6lbs, 11 oz; and he said 6lbs, 5 oz. She ended up being 6 lbs, 7 oz, and 17 inches long. He was closer! must be an uncle's intuition ;)
in addition to Eisley being born and his 21st birthday, it was also our 6 month anniversary. to be honest, i'm not one for celebrating months, but i feel like 6 months is kind of a milestone. he's usually the one that remembers every month....it seems our roles are slightly reversed. i told him to consider the 'stache part of his birthday present from me....he knows how much i hate it. birthday celebrations can only last so long ;)
the 15th seems to be an important number with us: our anniversary is the 15th, we're both born on a 15th (one month apart)......is this some kind of omen? i guess only time will tell, right?

 beer for the birthday boy!

 uncle & niece: birthday twins!

after our long day

the next day, his mom made a cake with both drums AND a baby carriage for Eisley. She is so creative! she should start her own cake business. (the bonus: the drums were made of rice krispy treats!)

this morning, i had the chance to go to breakfast with one of my closest friends, Bekah. she was in town for a wedding, and i told her she couldn't leave without seeing me! even though it had been almost a year since i've seen her, it was like nothing had changed. she really is one of my greatest friends and i'm grateful i got to see her for a few hours. i'm planning a trip over to spokane soon to see her! she is truly the best. 

(we didn't get a picture today because it was EARLY - so this will have to do).