why i hate the mall.

i hate the mall. especially around christmas time.


as i sit here sipping eggnog, listening to mariah carey belt out "all i want for christmas is you" (for all of you that are annoyed with that song....i only have three more days to listen to it. so get over it) i am simply happy i am not at the mall. or at any retailer, for that matter. why? let's explore my reasoning.
today, i had a $10-off coupon to a store in the mall that shall remain un-named expiring December 24th. since i'm such a sucker for deals, i decided i'd better use it quick. since the obligatory 4-days-before-christmas-and-i-haven't-bought-any-presents panic settles in to most consumers, it took me 15 minutes to find a parking spot. and of course said store is in the exact MIDDLE of the mall, preventing me from ducking in and getting out as fast as possible......


i should preface this story by describing what i looked like : boots, leggings, and oversized sweatshirt (because i'm too lazy for real pants), zero makeup, and my wet hair tied in a giant knot on the top of my head. it was sunny, so i also had my sunglasses on. i started out wearing them in the mall, before i caught my reflection and realized how much i hate it when people wear their sunglasses inside. especially in the winter. sunglasses off, and makeup-less-face exposed, i made a pit stop in old navy (which should NOT be in the mall.....but that's a post for a different day) and then was on to my target destination. since this is olympia, and everyone and their mom is at the mall, i just knew i'd run into someone i knew. in order to avoid awkward interactions with people from high school whose names i don't remember, i was anxious to get to where i had to be. so anxious that i went the opposite way of where i was supposed to go from old navy, only to make a 180, narrowly missing several small children in the process(*&)*&#$!!!!) so i went the other (and right) direction and found my way into the store. there were about 5x more people in there as there should have been, making it impossible to shop leisurely. leisurely. what a joke. as i journeyed through the store, i felt terrible for all the boyfriends/husbands that were dragged into not only shopping at christmas (which NO straight man enjoys), but shopping at a women's lingerie store. (have you guessed what store by now?) for someone as indecisive as me, this was pure chaos. i guess all of the people stressing me out made me decisive. maybe that's not a bad thing....


let's discuss another reason why i hate the mall. two words: SLOW WALKERS. i realize i am not the most patient person in the world, but come on. these people walk at the slowest pace possible. and spread out to form a barricade of idiots that have no purpose or intention of going into a store anytime soon, and are 100% oblivious to anyone around them. then, finally when they realize "oh, there is someone behind me" they give you the look of death that says "how dare you!" unfortunately, these people are found on BOTH sides of the mall. another thing i hate. it's like a street, people. this begs the question; DO ANY OF YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE?!!! walk on the RIGHT sight of the mall!!!!! maybe it's just me who believes in that philosophy......or maybe not.


mission accomplished.
i was out of there.....walking as fast as possible with my head down.
and i didn't run into anyone i knew.
christmas miracles do happen!